There is a lack of posting these days. I go through a phase of where there is so much to blog about that I don’t have enough time to post everything and then there is now. Words form in my head but I freeze and hesitate to type them out. I read back on my posts and all of them are always so gritty. The topics they spin around always revolve around the problems of my life and that is just a bit too depressing for me these days. I want to write but all that comes out is the obstacles and problems I’ve faced. Where did all my fun posts go?

I am excited for the future but I am also worried. There is so many problems in the way and one of them being finance. A goal I’ve set for myself is to transfer to an art school in Cali by Spring 08 but how is that even possible? With the kind of money I make right now and what mother makes isn’t enough to cover along with loans. What am I going to do? I find myself sitting in front of my desk in a daze these days because these goals seem so unreachable and it is a damned feeling to know that my goal, my dream is very easily squashed. I want to make it all happen, I need to make it all happen but so far, I see no solution. I’ve never wanted something this much and I’ve never been more focused but I’m stuck at a roadblock here with no other road in sight.

See? Talking about my problems again. I should just stop before I keep going with more miserable nonsense.


August 20, 2007. August 2007, fear, thoughts.

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